A Public Service Announcement From The Justice Trio

SquidJew stands in the middle of a set created to look like a dentist’s waiting room. He wears his uniform—blue t-shirt, jeans, and purple squid hand puppet/hat. In one hand, he holds a toothbrush; he points his other hand at the camera. His face is his usual look of abject confusion and general unawareness of the situation at hand. He squints his eyes and reads stiltedly from the teleprompter.

SQUIDJEW

Hello there, children and adults.

Music, of the elevator variety, starts to play.

SQUIDJEW (cont’d)

It’s me, your friendly neighborhood SquidJew!

He sighs.

SQUIDJEW (cont’d)

Really? Don’t you think Stan Lee’s going to sue us for that?

DIRECTOR (OS)

Just read the script, SquidJew

SquidJew clears his throat.

SQUIDJEW

And I’m here to talk to you today about a dastardly

villain the likes of which you’ve never even dreamt

about.

Killman 3000 enters the frame. He wears a mask of Herr Shark—a scarred Nordic-looking face with an SS hat on. In his hand, he holds a white cue card that says “PLAQUE & GUM DISEASE.”

SquidJew raises his fist in the air.

SQUIDJEW

Herr Shark! I though we got rid of you at The Battle

of The Docks! But now? You are back.

Killman takes off the mask and laughs.

KILLMAN

Ha. Ha ha. I got you so good, SquidJew. Better than the time

when we fought The Prankster and the Legion

of Foolishness.

SquidJew flips the toothbrush in the air and then hits the cue card with it.

SQUIDJEW

Oh, shit, no, that’s later. Erm. Yes! You are quite the joker.

But you know what’s not a joke?

KILLMAN

(stiltedly)

Gum disease and plaque.

SQUIDJEW

My, your intellect is as powerful as they say.

KILLMAN

It doesn’t take a superhero detective to know what’s good

for your health, SquidJew.

Number Four walks in the shot draped in an Australian flag flipping his bowie knife in the air.

DIRECTOR (OS)

You’re not supposed to be here!

NUMBER FOUR

Can it, mate. Oi SquidJew, where you keeping the vodka? It’s

going to be a long, lonely night.

SQUIDJEW

Um. Ask Archie.

NUMBER FOUR

Nah, can’t. Scared the hell out of him when I skinned a rat

earlier today.

KILLMAN

Son of a bitch, Four, why’d you do that?

Number Four shrugs.

NUMBER FOUR

Beats going out and buying rat traps. See if I do you any

more favors.

Number Four leaves.

DIRECTOR (OS)

Screw it, just go from the last line. “Good for your health

SquidJew.”

SquidJew clears his throat.

SQUIDJEW

And that means brushing your teeth at least twice a day.

He hits the cue card with the tooth brush.

SQUIDJEW (cont’d)

After all, you don’t think Killman 3000 and I got to where

we are today with bad teeth, do you?

KILLMAN

I should hope not, SquidJew.

BOTH

So remember, kids, and adults, brush your teeth! You can’t

take a bite out of crime with falsies!

The lights dim, director shouts cut, and FADE OUT.